HIS ROVING EYES

I had just finished handing over my assignment last week and decided I would spoil myself a little. So I slipped into a Starbucks which was not far from where I was. For a change, I thought that I’d just go down a gear or two to unwind a little. After all, it had taken a good three weeks to complete this latest assignment, so I figured that I had earned it.

Anyway, I was watching the world go by when two young women took a table next to mind. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary but then, I suddenly found myself eavesdropping on their conversation. Don’t blame me. My job after all, requires that I have a sharp ear. Granted that I was there to chill, I could but help be drawn to their conversation – one that struck a chord with me.

Apparently, one of them was complaining to the other about how her boyfriend of three years never stops looking at other women. I am quite sure ‘Checking them out from head to toe’ were the words she used. Anyway, she was clearly getting annoyed with that.

That got me thinking about several of my girlfriends who had expressed similar observations with their significant others. So I felt there was a story there. After all, when does Missus Singapore not have something to say about anything?

The thing I notice about many women is that they think once they are in a relationship, it should close the door to a man’s instinctive attraction to the opposite sex. He is in a relationship, he’s not dead!

Truth be told, women in relationships do check men out too although I must add that we tend to be more subtle. Tactful would be a better choice of word methinks. Guys on the other hand eye boobs and asses like a tiger eyes its prey – it’s that simple.

Accept that it’s a reflex action of a man – often something he cannot do much about. Surely he can learn to be more discrete but more often than not, it is often harmless. But the arguments that result from this may not be so harmless to the relationship.

If arguments break out because of this, it says a lot about how comfortable you are with each other. It really points to a flimsy foundation – in which case you have a lot more to worry about that you man checking out another woman.

You might also have to look at your state of emotional security. What are you afraid of? That you will lose him to the other women? Let’s get real. You can lose a man to anyone, even someone he may not have ogled at. The risks are always going to be there, today, tomorrow or twenty years down the road.

If you are worried about him ogling other women, imagine what such paranoid thoughts will evolve into. Let it manifest and it will surely destroy your relationship and more importantly, it will destroy an important part inside of you. Being consumed by jealousy is what it is - your like will be affected and you will find yourself wondering what he is up to whenever you are not together.  

If it really annoys you that much, I suppose you could do one of several things. Firstly, try commenting on the woman he is looking at to let him know you know. If may make him conscious that he will learn to be more discrete the next time.
Secondly, you might try ogling or drooling at men in front of him. Ah, the old principle of ‘tit-for-tat’. If he asks, mimic what he says when you ask him about his ogling habits and he will surely learn from the familiarity of that episode.

Thirdly – come to a quick realisation that it has nothing to do with you. It’s just him. Hold your own. Nagging jealously about his habits will not go down well. It not only shows how low your self-esteem is but it simply lacks class. Spend more time looking at your own level of self-confidence rather that picking on something that is not going to change anytime soon. Playful jibes are fine though.

Women need to understand how a man processes visual stimuli (READ: Checking out other women). They need to, not necessarily to the extent that they have to lick whipped cream off their bodies or end up having mind-blowing, passionate sex an hour later. It's just like one of those unsolved mysteries where you can watch documentary after documentary and by the end of it, the narrator asks something like ‘how it happens, we will never know.’ So there is no point trying to stop it. If he wants to, he will.

You want to know what your partner is like so this would help you understand and prepare yourself for what is ahead. See him in his element - good or bad but keep your head held high and your dignity intact. Trust me, at the end of the day, you will be in his arms and the woman he ogled at, a distant memory, that is assuming you haven't already stabbed him in the heart with a blunt object.

Missus Singapore out!