THE TROPHY WIFE

A year back, there was this high-standing official in Warsaw, Poland who, on most days couldn't care less about his wife but on days when he had to attend public functions, would have his assistant take her on a shopping spree inclusive of visits to the hair-dresser, make-up artist and manicurist.

Many viewed her as one lucky woman but oblivious to many was that she felt enslaved by him and disgusted by the fact that he only wanted her to look good when she was out with him under public scrutiny. She was a fashion model and budding actress when she met her husband and was apparently a real beauty (I've never seen a photo of her though).

Her mistake - she was driven and attracted to his wealth. Now in such a case, I wonder if it was her fault as much as his. Worst still, she held on to the relationship for 15 frigging years! I mean there was no gun held to her head and neither did he force her to stay on but she simply allowed herself to be a trophy wife. Possibly, she loved the attention too until the novelty died or she came to her senses.

When she filed for a divorce (very much all over the local news) last year, she moaned and groaned about how she was treated. It's hard to really assess where the blame should fall but in my opinion, she got what was coming to her for exchanging her self-esteem and freedom of personal expression for wealth.

There was a similar story of a trophy wife here in Singapore a few months back. This brilliant high-IQ scholar bullied his wife constantly - insistent on depleting her self-worth and ability. His was more of a verbal abuse but to me, verbal or physical, no woman should stand for that.

In this case, his behaviour was triggered more by his lack of self-esteem and failure at work. Being made to feel low by his inadequacies and consequent depression, he turned to his wife in an attempt to give his self-worth a boost.

Words like 'moron', 'bimbo' and 'a lousy lay' were commonly used. You wonder why he stayed on with her - probably because he knew no one else would tolerate such behaviour. It started a year after their nine-year union and she only filed for a divorce recently - a divorce eight years too late, if you ask me.

Of course she could have walked out and only returned after he had sought help. But he didn't and she stayed on.

A trophy wife is often seen as the result of a man's manipulation but women who know where things are going and just sit back are equally culpable for sustaining the concept. Money is often the motivating factor. Almost always, things eventually reach an explosive culmination and everyone gets nasty as dirty laundry is hung out to dry for all to see.

Women should not stand for this, especially when we are talking about a long term relationship. In fact, I know many hookers who don't even stand for it unless part of the bedroom ritual but they scorn if anyone carries such behaviour outside of the bedroom. Yeah, it's a cliche that money isn't everything. I won't harp on that but I can certainly tell you that self-esteem IS everything!

I know I've mentioned previously that I like to be name-called during sex but that's just part of role-playing. I certainly would not stand one instance if anyone, not even my spouse, were to call me such things and mean it in everyday life. Fooling around is fine but when conversations get serious or during misunderstandings, never.

Call me a bitch, slut or whore when you're fucking me, and I'll get aroused by it but a slight mention of it anywhere else and I'm off. That should be the same for any woman! Don't sell your self-esteem for anything.

Missus Singapore out!