SEX WILL SAVE THE DAY!

It's happening everywhere - divorces are on the rise. I guess in that sense, the fact that my marriage is approaching it's 21st year in June this year, puts me in a rather unique group - firstly, to be married so long and secondly, to have even got married!

Quite a number of my friends are divorced and when I asked them about the reasons behind their split, I get the same old reason - argued far too much for their liking. As for the subjects of their arguments - the usual culprits emerge - disagreements over money, bringing up the children, inequality of responsibilities and the adage old cause - infidelity.

Of course there were two among them who admitted they left because of abuse - one physical and one verbal. I suppose I can understand their reasons for leaving because I certainly won't tolerate abuse in any form.

Coming back to the other divorcee-friends, what I also found out was not surprisingly, that all of them were not enjoying healthy sex lives preceding the time their problems erupted. For some of them, sex had been out of their marital radar for years!

It's what brought them together in the first place - the attraction and interaction culminating in mind-blowing passion. Yet they somehow are oblivious to the fact that it can also keep them together. You have to stroke the flames to keep it going. Yes, it's hard. I know for sure. But the longer you leave it on the shelf, the more dust it gets hidden under.

You'll hear it time and time again - that sex isn't everything in a marriage. I fully agree but as long as you have working equipment, it can be a leveler in a relationship.

Differences with money, bringing up the children and responsibilities all come down to one thing - poor communication. Disagreements are normal but too many spend time arguing their point instead of finding a solution, a workable compromise. They are just too uptight.

I suppose with today's generation, people are also so eager to give up and walk away from a marriage when the slightest problem emerges. Patience and tolerance have seemingly been cast aside into the annals of history when it comes to marriage these days.

The problem is that many just have sex for the sake of having it, never bothering to stop and think about the effects it can have on their mental and emotional state. To them, the purpose of sex revolves around consummation, impregnation and manipulation.

Sex is an instinctive trait of our species no doubt - but it's also a powerful communication tool and effective bonding mechanism for couples.

With a strong sexual relationship - in the sense that you don't just have it but explore and talk about it - you somehow immerse yourselves in the proverbial 'same boat' scenario. It becomes an exciting journey you take together as a two-man team.

Whether it is reading erotica and discussing about it over coffee or watching porn together and picking up new tricks, its a refreshing subject that appeals to most of us. It's like going sailing or hiking together but only better.

Let's put it this way, if you can have open discussions about sex, most other things pale in comparison. You somehow feel engaged to parley with your spouse. Nothing else quite has the same ability to support a connection. With lines of communication wide open, you have a better chance of undertaking an open and fair discussion on most other subjects. It just easier to talk to one another.

The bigger picture is that as your relationship irons itself out with a hot sex press, an environment of mutual respect and warmth shared between the two of you will descend on the home. Think of the family. Think of the kids.

Lastly, we are also overlooking the calming effect that sex has on our minds. Now, don't we feel calmer, less stressed and really satisfied with our lives after a big O? Of course if you think you are really not the marrying sort, don't tempt fate and add more to the already-obscene divorce levels. If anything is going to reverse this trend, trust me, sex will!

Missus Singapore out!