A MATTER OF PRIORITY

Divorces are on the rise over here and from what I read, it's not just a Singapore thing. Usually its cited as irreconcilable differences which could be taken to mean any of 1,000 reasons. But a conversation I had with two marriage counselors recently seemed to have the reasons narrowed down to two main issues - money and sex.

Usually, many other issues are brought up for mention but in more cases than not, these are just fall-outs from a collapsed bridge of communication and intimacy.

I will save what I gathered from these experts for an article I am working on but essentially, both seemed to echo that the problems many married couples face have to do with mistrust, suspicion, and lack of sharing between both parties.

For the purpose of sticking to this blog's theme, I'd like to lean towards the breakdown in sexual intimacy. In a society where sex ranks very low in terms of priority, thanks to our hectic work and family commitments, it's not surprising with the predicament many couples find themselves in after a few years.


In our context, as open an Asian society you will ever find, we are still viewing sex no more than an exercise for procreation. Yes, it does that and it's vital in our fast ageing population but few ever stop to think about how sexual intimacy can make or break a marriage. No, it's not the only thing important in a marriage but it sure is hell is an important adhesive to the relationship.

If you subscribe to the idea that a family is centred around the strong core of the parents' relationship, then ignoring and failing to look after it is a big folly. Let's not mince words here. In Singapore it's all about making babies, intimacy, loving relationship...but in truth, it's really all about sex. We often are too quick to underestimate how it works in the background to fuel the closeness between two people.

I am not proposing that we just focus on sex alone in a marriage but it should be an active part of the union and it should be spoken about in every way - with seriousness, humour, fondness and even lust. A couple who is open with each other will find it easier to communicate about a host of other things - be it about money, bringing up the children, in-laws, etc.

When you are younger and have sexual energy to burn, it's counter-productive when you keep it in. When you are older, sex inevitably takes on a slightly lesser priority but if you have navigated through the deep waters early, you will definitely find it a lot easier to live with each other. It's like the growing and impressionable days of a marriage - you have to nurture it or face a strong possibility that it will fail in due course.

Missus Singapore out!