Q: I just got married six months ago and it was great initially but now, my wife and I are not making out that often as before. I suppose it may be due to stress and family problems. Since I have a high sex drive, I can't stop fantasising having sex, even with other women. I know it is a bad thing to do but what should I do? Should I just pay some hooker or would I have to wait for my wife to come around and start making out again.
MS: A relationship is a very complex issue but it certainly becomes more complicated when marriage comes about. The initial months and even years, can involve a great adjustment in both of your lives as you go about adapting to a totally different sex of circumstances. There is naturally a mix of confusion, frustration, inward doubts, and sometimes even anger.
So the question is why then get married?
Well, it is a risk no doubt but it is also a challenge which we can take in a positive way. If you want to overcome the challenges, there is no two ways about it - you will have to do it as a team. It is the same way if you were a singles tennis player and now have to adapt to being in a doubles partnership. You will have to train with each other to get to know just about everything about your new partner. Marriage is the same way but sadly, not given the same kind of attention (and training).
You don't have to live under the same roof with a woman to know that she has a phases but it's different now that you have to be there. There is no dropping her off quickly and heading home to your personal comfort zone.
I honestly feel that it is not so much about sex but more about her emotions behind this major phase in her life. Sometimes, it takes a longer time for some people to adjust to the new situation.
The best advise I can give you is to communicate. Obviously, you are second guessing her at this stage and she may just need a listening ear. It might just do the trick. Another thing to take note of is after all the excitement leading up to your wedding, she may be suffering a post-wedding burn out. Six months is not a lot of time for some to get over it.
However, if she is ignoring you, then there is a problem. Engage her. Ask her what is wrong. Send her loving and concerned text messages or post-its. Don't appear to put pressure on her having sex. Take her out. Romance her again.
Your suggestion of paying a hooker and getting off is only gong to complicate matters more. I'd rather you pay me the money for my advice! I'm no qualified marriage counselor mind you but I have been told that I have a good strategy in getting couples to come out and talk about things.
Good luck.
Missus Singapore out!
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