MARITAL GLUE (POLL 18)

Yours truly attended a marriage seminar recently, not that I wanted to, but was an invited guest. While I generally agreed very much about the broad mechanics vital to keep a marriage functioning on good ground, the seminar failed to stress on what I believe to be the critical glue for any marriage - sex.

One speaker, an idiot really, claimed that with your relationship in good stead, you can then have enjoyable sex. Does it really take an 'expert' to tell anyone this? And then he goes on to say how sex should is not an important part of a marriage.

It was all just so wrong.

No one can tell exactly what the 'perfect' marital dynamics is. People are all unique, their views, limitations, opinions, how they were brought up, experiences, etc. Besides, who is to know how thing panned out once two people are brought together. What works for someone may not work for the next person.

The main thing I feel, which was not stressed, is that a married couple needs to look at themselves and truly want to make a positive contribution to the relationship. Only when there is a will to do so, things will gradually fall into place. To be fair, no one knows what to expect in a marriage.

Patience, tolerance, understanding, mutual respect and trust are consistent and pre-requisites but the ways in which these unfold in a marriage cannot be set in stone - not by a long shot.

But herein lies the problem with most marriages, the lack of such traits. I feel that couples are just too easily distracted - too quick to be fed-up - and way too mentally unsettled to survive the long haul.

While I am certainly not one to support staying in an unhappy or worse still, abusive marriage, I think that without trying to make things work and giving each other and the relationship a second chance when mistakes are made, then you are selling yourself short. Give yourselves some credit. Humans are a resilient bunch deep within and can find solutions - better still if both parties are cracking their heads together.

Communication is ignition to a fulfilling marriage and sex, I feel, is the key. Over and over again, I've heard marriage counselors keep saying how marriage is not about sex. Love first and then sex! I suppose in their oath of practice (if there is such a thing) that's the politically and morally right thing to say in a conservative Asian society.

My view? Hogwash!

Sex can be an expression of passion and love no doubt but it should be more than that. It's the binding gel for almost every aspect of a fledgling marriage. It is the spark in the initial days but should be the fuel for the long run.

I'm happy to report that judging from the views of many of MS readers, sex is absolutely vital in a marriage. Of course there are many issues that make marital sex exciting but that is another story altogether. Essentially, this is a broad overview.

The figures speak from themselves which incidentally, are along familiar lines to a similar poll I did two years ago.

Missus Singapore out!