She had been married for 12 years before she and her husband got a divorce in August this year. There was a lot of anger and frustration but she eventually pulled herself out of that only to be hit by the seasonal reflections that all of us experience.
She cited irreconcilable differences as the reason behind their failed marriage but in truth, the breakdown had to do a lot with their failure to focus on their relationship. They had both been doing well in their respective careers and had two wonderful children, 4 and 7 years of age. She also enjoyed a close relationship with her husband's family.
When she announced to her girlfriends about the split, we were shocked. Not much shocks me honestly but this did to some extend. I knew both of them well and had the impression that they somehow figured things out. I was wrong, and so was she.
She mentioned sometime back that their sex life was bad. (I actually posted a blog about it last year.) I knew the importance of sex in a marriage although I also accept that it is not the only critical factor but nonetheless, for them, it was at the very core of their break-up.
They never argued about finances, or bringing up the kids and stuff. However, they never argued about sex too because neither was making time for it too. Inevitably, the intimacy or lack of it, dug a chasm in the background that both of them were oblivious to.
I remember asking her why they weren't getting it on more and her reply was that there will be time enough to do so once things get settled. That was in 2006. Look what has happened in 2010.
It was no fun spending time during Christmas with a friend crying on your shoulder and I hope she manages to sort things out soon. But with divorce cases on the rise here (and around the world), we really should start thinking more about putting in more into a marital relationship. It is not just for the two people involved but when you have a family, the children are the most important.
I'm not saying that having more sex and intimacy in a marriage is a fool-proof way to avoid a divorce but with so many factors pulling a couple towards it, it will help if there is one less area to worry about.
Be strong Sandy. We are all rooting for you!
Missus Singapore out!
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