SANS MODERATION

To a greater extent, I do believe in the phase 'Do everything in moderation'. Well, for me at least, when it comes to sex, moderation is not something I associate with it.

As long as there is an opportunity, I am ready for it. It's very much like the time when you are expecting. You tend to use it as an excuse to 'eat for two' but really, it's just a time to double indulge in all the things you were told all your life to eat in moderation. To come to think of it, early in the third trimester, sex was perhaps the only thing on my mind besides food.

So as long as it makes you feel good and is healthy (SEX IS HEALTHY), all I can say is go for it. Besides, the intimacy it brings to a relationship is something that is hard to replicate. Make time for it if its what keeps you in a good mood. But if you are looking for sex as a healthy lifestyle option, then you ought to take the bull by the horns and not just be satisfied by the man-on-top position. Expand your energy and take control once in a while. Sweat it out.

Missus Singapore out!

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GUY TALK

I was waiting for a friend yesterday at a cafe in town and overheard (okay eavesdropping maybe) two guys talking. It was an interesting conversation that I also found rather amusing. Apparently one was a single and his friend was married. The single guy seemed a little older.

So anyway, they were talking about their respective partners.

The single guys said, "I must take my hat off to you man, you really got the balls to get married."

Married guy, "Yeah that was what I thought when I decided to make the commitment but after I got married, it was like it was all for nothing because my wife soon made sure she cut my balls off. Getting married is like agreeing to cut your balls permanently."

Single guy, "Really? Can't be that bad. You look so happy together."

Married guy, "Well you want to feel it? My balls are gone. At least you are still single and got your balls intact."

Just at that moment, the single guy's girlfriend walked up and said, "I thought you said you were going to have a coffee."

I just couldn't help it but turned to see that they were having a couple of beers. At that point, he whispered to his married friend sheepishly, "I'll call you." And then he went after his girlfriend pleading, 'Honey, wait for me, I can explain."

So apparently, married or not, it makes no difference. Women rule the men. It left me with a smile on my face. 

Missus Singapore out!

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AN UNLIKELY MATCH

A friend of mine Jill, emailed me to announce that she was finally getting married! She is 38 years old and a veteran of the dating scene but has never really found the man of her liking. But now she has.

According to her, he is nothing like the kind of man she had described to us as her perfect mate. She is Chinese and from a very traditional family. Her husband, is an Indian. Not exactly unheard of in these parts but nonetheless, considering her family background, it was considered a rather unlikely scenario.

Jill was not exactly in the best shape of her life. She had focused a lot on her career and now heads the marketing department of a European multinational firm. We met him over the weekend and while we struggled to understand a full sentence of what he was trying to say, his body language told us that he was indeed deeply in love with Jill.

Speaking of body, he had one many men would die for. And he wasn't too bad looking either. We couldn't pry into the sex since he was around but there was every indication that it was a really healthy
and intimate one.

We all had to get used to seeing both of them together because for years, Jill had convinced us that her ideal man was going to be a well-educated, well spoken Chinese guy. I guess she agrees with me now not to set your requirements too strictly lest you remain a spinster all your life. I told her to be open, don't look too hard and it will fall into place.

Well, the moment she did so, sometime early this year, she met this man. Now they are set to be married in June 2011. Still, we all remain curious about the sex. It is always about the sex!

Missus Singapore out!

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TAKING A SEX VACATION

I received an interesting email from a reader the other day. She was telling me how she had spent months coming out from a devastating break-up until she decided to have a one-night stand.

She wrote, "It was instantaneous, the healing. For months I had sat on my butt crying my eyes out but then I decided to have sex on the spur of the moment with someone whom I knew for ages, but never forged any physical attraction with. We were friends and we still are friends but he had healed me because the next day, I felt that my system was re-booted and I could function once again, at work and socially. It was like a sex vacation - and a very revitalizing one!"

MS: I think she hit the nail on the head when she talked about re-booting her system. However, I don't think it will work for everyone. In fact for others, it may just make things worse by complicating your emotional state of mind.

But that is just mankind's resilience - to find ways to get out of the rut. I do however think that doing something different, getting out of your comfort zone will help. Doing things you associate with your ex will definitely not be productive. Get out, do something different and if it is a one-night stand, hey, who am I to judge.

Missus Singapore out!

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THE LIMITS OF MAKE-UP SEX

A friend was sharing with me how she enjoys make-up sex so much. Well, don't we all. It is just filled with so much built-up frustration that when an opportunity arises for you to release that penned-up energy, it's like a bursting dam.

I enjoy it too. However, whilst I think it is great, I also have to say that I'd rather have sex without thinking about using it as a means to clear my frustrations. Let me elaborate.

Personally, I get the same, if not more energy if I am extremely horny during the day. You will find that when your thoughts stray to sex and sexual adventure, you can elicit the similar energy and get the same intensity from non make-up sex as compared to make-up sex. So for all intents and purposes, I would rather not have the prior misunderstandings - just the raw call for instinctive sex for me, thank you.

But sometimes we just can't help it.

I read about one woman who has make up sex every other week! Imagine that. Although the focus of the article was on make-up sex, it totally ignored the implications that this couple was actually having deeper problems. Obviously, their relationship is in trouble.

Yes, I know every couple experiences occasional tiffs and disagreements - more so in the initial years as they get a feel of their partner's views and preferences - but if it is a continuous affair, it paints an ominous picture of their future together.

There was even this counsellor who proposed fighting to get a good make-up sex session! Trust me, even after make-up sex, there remains residual dissent but many choose to slip it under the carpet. It will and I repeat, it will crop up again unless you get to the root of the problem and sort things out at the source.

The worse thing one can do is see make-up sex as a way to end the conflict and expect it to be case close thereafter. It's not that simple. Humans being what we are empowered with memory and as such, the disagreements never quite go away unless there is some form of closure. Problems swept under the carpet will always return to haunt us if they aren't solved.

As a once in a while thing, make-up sex is indeed a powerful relationship tool that helps to put things and priorities into perspective but remember, it does not solve the reason why the conflict emerged in the first place. Sex won't do anything for that. Talking will.

Sex can do a lot of things but unfortunately, it can never replace the important connection that is achieved through direct verbal communication. So while you go ahead and enjoy that wild and sweaty make-up sex session, do follow up by finding middle ground towards solving the problem. What I think it does best, is to pave the way for a more open, honest and less-guarded approach towards talking with each other.

Missus Singapore out!

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ONE-WAY SEX

Have you ever practised the adage old cliché of it being better to give than to receive? For many couples, a relationship can settle into a power struggle. So by embracing the idea - to give without receiving anything in return - can evoke fears that they may be seen by their partners as being weak.

But if you can get over such notions, taking turns to give your full attention to spoil your partner can really add spice to a relationship not to mention, strengthen the bonds. It &is nothing to do with giving in or being submissive but everything to do with how important the relationship is to you. Your partner will get the message too.

Sex gives couples the opportunity, perhaps a platform to expand and strengthen a relationship. It's a unique tool that is unlike many other elements in a relationship. So once in a while, it's great to take turns to pamper each other. Let him/her lay back and do nothing but enjoy. You do all the work and make the effort to ensure that he/she knows the night is his/hers.

It is quite obvious that a woman has more weapons towards this - she can make herself up, dress up in hot lingerie etc. For a man, it is more challenging but not impossible. Gals love a soothing massage for a start. Go out of your way to get the ambience of the room going. Soft music, aromatherapy scents, and a bottle of bubbly won't do any harm. If alcohol is not allowed, even a cooling fruit punch can do the trick. The main thing - don't focus on the destination but on the ride instead.

Take your special someone on a one-way ride to paradise. We all want that, but surprisingly, you will also get lots of pleasure being the host/hostess on your partner's journey. Just make sure you don't let him/her do a thing. Absolutely nothing! That way, you can focus or learn more about what turns your lover on. One-way sex can be a very erotic experience for both.

Missus Singapore out!

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