BEFORE & AFTER

Here is a joke sent by Lucile Wards, from Indiana. In her email, she also writes "men tend to be so nice when they want sex and after they get it, it's like they transform into something else."

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber.

The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?"

The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."

Missus Singapore out!

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MARRIAGE HUMOR

I just received this a few days back and I thought I'd share it with all my married readers out there. It was sent by anonymous.

Marriage Joke 1
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always

Marriage Joke 2
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he’s finished.

Marriage Joke 3
On the day I got married, my uncle gave me his piece of personal wisdom.
He said: In the first year, the wife is obedient. She listens to whatever you say. So enjoy yourself.
In the second year, the role changes & the husband listens to his wife. So it's her time to enjoy.
In the third & succeeding years, there are no more such roles. So the neighbors listen to what you shout at each other. And they enjoy.

Marriage Joke 4
Jill tells her husband, “Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can’t you do that?” “Gosh,” Jack says, “why I hardly know the girl.”

Marriage Joke 5
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don’t know son, I m still paying for it.

Marriage Joke 5
Marriage is a three ring circus: – Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.

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THE MILF RULE BOOK

It is a perennial debate amongst many of my girlfriends, both married and single.

I've written about it numerous times and even had quite a few articles on the subject published over the years but clearly, it is still a hot subject. I suppose it always has been and always will be - single vs married debate.

It's natural that one will always have a strong and somewhat biased opinion that supports her present marital status. Single women will insist that being single is the best thing there is while the married ones will come back with their usual response 'been there, done that but being married is better' argument. Even the divorced ones will claim that being divorced is the best thing ever to happen to them.

All have their merits really but it is almost impossible to come to a consensus simply because there are countless factors involved. Being in a good marriage is dependent on your partner and we all know no two partners are made equally.

I will never take the stand of any one because my life as a single was great. It was filled with fun, freedom and carelessness. But it did get a little dour at times. You could possibly say that my youthful hunger for adventure got me looking at marriage.

To be fair, getting hitched had to do with me getting tired of the dating game and wanting more permanence to pursue other goals in my life. And I don't regret it one bit because getting the relationship component out of the way has really allowed me to soar to better things. I'm more grounded, sensible and know how to pick my fights wisely.

It is often said that marriage changes a woman and in some ways it does but in all honesty, we will change in any case. It's called maturing and marriage has nothing to do with it.

That said, it doesn't mean that I didn't enjoy being single. Again, if one is not lucky and marries a man who turns out years later to be a Mr Hyde, it could be a nightmare as well. So getting married is really about taking risks and hoping for the best. How else is one suppose to know?

What I can say however is that whatever a single woman claims to enjoy, a married woman has already done so. However, the opposite cannot hold true. A single woman will have no inkling what marriage will entail and that is actually great because the element of not knowing can sometimes provide the excitement.

My stand is not to say one is better over the other but to call out to married women to put their money where their mouths are. If you get hitched and thereafter let yourself go, then which single woman in her right mind would want to head down the same road.

All married women have the responsibility to keep looking good for themselves. So if they have to work out more, that comes with the territory. In all honesty, if I were a single woman looking into the life of many a married woman, I'll be heading for the woods before you can say cellulite or stretch marks.

Maintain your looks, dress well and feed your confidence and self-esteem and it will all fall into place for you. The MILF phenomenon is not a passing fad. It is a rule-book for married women to follow. 'Over the hill' is just one destination of many and in no way one that we are forced to head to.

I'm not proposing that all women should rush to get hitched. Live your life however you wish to but don't discount that just because a friend got married and divorced soon after, or that another lost her shape, that is a true indication of what marriage is all about. The only important thing to know is that it is in your hands.

Invariably, when the subject of sex comes into the picture though, I have to admit that married women tend to know a trick or three more in bed. It comes with experience. I used to think as a single I knew it all but now with a matured, bolder, braver and more adventurous mindset, I have to say I was barely at the boundary of my sexual expression.

Missus Singapore out!

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PUMP IN THE CLOSET

A friend of mine called me up last week sharing with me an interesting story about her younger sister (27-years old) and her husband. Apparently, they had a big argument. While marital arguments and disagreements are not surprising to me, what took me aback was the subject of their tiff.

The sister had found a penis pump stocked away deep inside her husband's cupboard. Her first instinct was that he was trying to make himself more 'desirable' to his 'other woman' he was supposedly seeing on the side. She said that she was doing some spring cleaning while her husband was at work.

Talk about jumping to conclusions.

He was strongly denying her accusations while she was questioning why then he needed such a device, insisting that she was perfectly satisfied with his tool. Clearly that was a lack of open communication between both parties but I felt that she, on her part, did not take into consideration a phenomenon that most (if not all) men are afflicted with - the male ego.

We women have our idiosyncrasies too - like our mood swings, food binges and penchant for handbags and shoes. But ego in men can either make them totally obnoxious creatures or otherwise, insecure, more so when it has anything to do with their manhood.

She may have told him countless times about his tool being long enough for her but for a man, this is usually not enough. The obsession with penis size knows no bounds. I knew a guy with a 8-incher who was still determined to 'get it up another inch or so'. Like us women who are always accused for a myriad of things, men are, like it or not, obsessed with always finding ways to 'get bigger'.

Whether or not he is having an affair or not, I just feel she should have given him the benefit of the doubt. Also, they should talk about things and understand each other a little better.

Both sexes should really take time off to learn more about the other sex's psyche. It's not just about exchanging vows and kissing each other at the altar.

This was an interesting subject to have an argument about but it really demonstrates just how much we know, or have to learn about each other.


Missus Singapore out!

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A MATTER OF PRIORITY

Divorces are on the rise over here and from what I read, it's not just a Singapore thing. Usually its cited as irreconcilable differences which could be taken to mean any of 1,000 reasons. But a conversation I had with two marriage counselors recently seemed to have the reasons narrowed down to two main issues - money and sex.

Usually, many other issues are brought up for mention but in more cases than not, these are just fall-outs from a collapsed bridge of communication and intimacy.

I will save what I gathered from these experts for an article I am working on but essentially, both seemed to echo that the problems many married couples face have to do with mistrust, suspicion, and lack of sharing between both parties.

For the purpose of sticking to this blog's theme, I'd like to lean towards the breakdown in sexual intimacy. In a society where sex ranks very low in terms of priority, thanks to our hectic work and family commitments, it's not surprising with the predicament many couples find themselves in after a few years.


In our context, as open an Asian society you will ever find, we are still viewing sex no more than an exercise for procreation. Yes, it does that and it's vital in our fast ageing population but few ever stop to think about how sexual intimacy can make or break a marriage. No, it's not the only thing important in a marriage but it sure is hell is an important adhesive to the relationship.

If you subscribe to the idea that a family is centred around the strong core of the parents' relationship, then ignoring and failing to look after it is a big folly. Let's not mince words here. In Singapore it's all about making babies, intimacy, loving relationship...but in truth, it's really all about sex. We often are too quick to underestimate how it works in the background to fuel the closeness between two people.

I am not proposing that we just focus on sex alone in a marriage but it should be an active part of the union and it should be spoken about in every way - with seriousness, humour, fondness and even lust. A couple who is open with each other will find it easier to communicate about a host of other things - be it about money, bringing up the children, in-laws, etc.

When you are younger and have sexual energy to burn, it's counter-productive when you keep it in. When you are older, sex inevitably takes on a slightly lesser priority but if you have navigated through the deep waters early, you will definitely find it a lot easier to live with each other. It's like the growing and impressionable days of a marriage - you have to nurture it or face a strong possibility that it will fail in due course.

Missus Singapore out!

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101 REASONS TO...

Thanks James for this strip. I remember seeing it somewhere before but it's worth the post.

James is a reader since the early days and although I met him several times before, he has since moved back to his hometown in Chicago. And he reports that he is now the proud father of his first child! Congratulations but I do hope what is portrayed in the cartoon is not a part of your present marriage.

Missus Singapore out!

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