Q: I have been with my fiance for four years and love him a lot. However, lately, I find it harder to get aroused thinking of making love to him. The one solution I have found out is to fantasize about him making love to another woman. That always does the trick for me. In fact, I now pretend that I am the other woman. But that said, I am a very jealous woman and cannot bear to think of him with someone else. What is this about me?
MS: Well, the one thing I can say about sex is that feelings and fantasies about them are often not easy to explain. You have to know that they do not necessarily reflect what we actually want.
However, in a long-term relationship, one of the major challenges I find is to keep sex exciting. And to that extent, fantasy is one possible technique. While it is healthy and normal, I strongly suggest that you give some thought about why sex with him has become what it has.
How do you wish for it to be different? Perhaps you might share it with him because chances are, he might be feeling the same way too.
Maybe it is too routine? Too infrequent? Too often? Does he do things to you you don't particularly like? And does he know about that? Or do you wish for him to do certain things to you?
You will be surprised what many couples like yourselves can achieve by simple communication. In fact, talking sometimes can be a real turn on as you both discover a deeper side of each other.
Consider this. You could role play? Make believe that you are both married to someone else and are sneaking about. Test the waters by saying that you feel like you are his mistress while you are making love to him. Listen and watch for his reaction. By being someone else, you can tell him the different things that you like. Use some creativity to bring the spark back. It won't just happen by yourself so go about it as a team and I am sure you will find the right formula in no time.
Missus Singapore out!
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