ASK THE BOLDER WOMAN

Here is a question sent in by Tonya Long from New Zealand.

Q: I've been married for 11 years and my husband and I are very much in love. However, about a year ago we went through some hard times and I suspect that my husband cheated on me. I asked and he denied but my gut feeling tells me that he did it. I left it alone but recently, I met an old schoolmate and am thinking of having an affair myself. This man and me seem to have a lot in common and we enjoy each other's company a lot. I really don't want to destroy my marriage but deep inside, I just feel that my husband deserves me to cheat on him.

A: Tonya, are you listening to what you are saying? It seems you have provided the answer yourself. You don't want to destroy your marriage yet you are contemplating a potentially marriage-breaking exercise. In my opinion, your marriage seems to lack an open line of communication. There seems to be a lot of distrust and suspicion. An extra-marital affair never solved anything as far I know.

What I suggests is this.
1. Talk to him about the time when you suspected him having an affair. Don't bring it up directly but refer to it as the time when he seemed distanced from you. You have to have an open mind and weigh the possibilities should his answer go either way. What will you do or say should he admit to it? How will you react if he again declares he is innocent. You will have to let him know how much his behaviour at the time hurt you.

2. Discuss how you have both let the marriage get a little boring and come to a consensus on how you will both work to spicing things up.

3. Ideally, you should try getting away from familiar surroundings of the home. Take a short vacation when its just you and him and free from any family or work distractions.

4. You ought to put a stop to complicating things by having a vengeful affair yourself. You have the power to do so and if you are weak, you will never get down to the truth which will inevitably eat into you.

Missus Singapore out!

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CUM OF EVIDENCE

I received this from Smooth Jane from the Philippines in response to my recent post on being caught by an old boyfriend. She had also shared that she too had been caught by a boyfriend but not as candidly as I was.

Smooth Jane wrote in her email to MS, "My boyfriend was so possessive and it drove me crazy. I wanted to break it off with him but he always would threaten suicide. Being a young girl and scared at the time of what seemed like a very real threat, I would give in. However, I grew extremely promiscuous behind his back as if a plea of trying to break free."

"I met some other guy and he and I hit it off. We didn't have sex but I was into giving him head all the time. He was a big cummer and I enjoyed my meals. However, one day, after I had a big meal, I had some dried up cum on my cheeks and hair. It was pretty obvious to my boyfriend what it was. I admitted it to him and he felt disgusted by it and 'dumped me'. So I was free at last. Cum saved me."

MS: Well Jane, it does look that way doesn't it. There are two lessons to be learned here. Firstly, to all the jealous and possessive types out there, be warned. Tighten your grip and your partner will almost surely cringe and claw (or suck) her way out of the relationship. Lesson 2 - if you want to cheat and get away with it, start drinking and don't dodge a guy's squirt lest you want it to be incriminating evidence against you.

Missus Singapore out!

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IT'S NOT CHEATING

I've often heard many people express unfavourable views about swinging. Anything from it not being moral, not respecting the sanctity of marriage or that it is just perverted. Well, I'm sure these views stem a lot from not fully understanding what swinging is all about.

Granted, it is not for everyone, it should not be any worse than the numerous people who are cheating behind their spouse's backs. Infidelity is on the rise everywhere. In Asia, the most common cause of divorce is the emergence of a 'third party' in the relationship.

Swinging is however not cheating. I know many swinging couples who have strong relationships but to be fair, I also know many non-swinging couples who also have a strong bond. The only sure thing I do know about swinging is that it is definitely not cheating. It is indeed not for anyone but yourself to judge if this is a lifestyle you can benefit from. 

Missus Singapore out!

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CHEATING PARTNERS (POLL 25)

Here is the other part of the cheating poll. Based on three other online polls that I've done over the past three years, this one shows that cheating has dropped somewhat. Good to know. Although there are a myriad of reasons behind why people cheat, one thing remains clear: that is exists across all races, religions and cultures. It's almost as if its human nature.

Wait a minute - the last I checked mankind wasn't designed with monogamy in mind. So staying in a relationship is really a big challenge and my hat goes out to all of you who have managed to cull temptation. But for those of you who are in an open relationship, more kudos to you guys.

The top reason for cheating - Sex Wasn't Enough or Good. Sex Sex Sex! Will people just come to realise that it's a big part of a relationship? Not everything but a big part! Can we all just agree on this and just get laid?

Missus Singapore out!

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ARE YOU AN INFIDEL? (POLL 24)

I'm as guilty as the 14% of women who have cheated on their partners. This was a long time ago before I was married and seeing someone else. It was a mix of curiosity and my flirtatious nature that got me cheating on my then-boyfriend with not one, but two of his friends.

Typical of my youthful ignorance at the time, I didn't so much as blink an eye after doing it. But we live and learn. Or do we?

So here are the results of the recent poll on who you think cheats more these days, men or women. While men win it hands down, there is really a noticeable trend that us women are catching up. Thanks for all 70 of you who voted.

Missus Singapore out!

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SEX DURING OFFICE HOURS

I met my girlfriend Sharon a few days back and she brought another school friend of hers. Mabel was her name and she works in a pharmaceutical company in Singapore.

Mabel is married with two tween children and holds an executive position. I liked her spontaneity and sense of morbid humour. Anyway, we got talking and clicked immediately.

Sharon and I were doing the usual gossipy catch up on a friend who was caught red-handed having an affair with a friend of her husband's. Mid-way through, Mabel commented how silly it was for her to do it in her own home, thinking that her husband would never return early from an overseas business trip.

Silly isn't it? It seems like that was expected to happen.

Mabel instead said that doing it in the office was the safest - especially during office hours! I've heard of doing it after office hours but during? I just had to hear more.

Apparently, she had this two month thingy with an intern - over 10 years her junior - who was posted to her company during his time in a local university.

Suddenly, I saw this woman in a new light. Of course we dug out more from her.

She said that it was usually a gesture that marked when they would head to the copier room, lock the door behind them and get it on and over with. She would prepare herself by going in panty-less. She used to wear slacks all the time but ever since their liaison began, she donned skirts. How considerate!

The intern has since left her company but now she cannot wait until the next unsuspecting intern shows up.

So it really has opened my eyes that what goes around in 'sterile' Singapore behind closed doors can really intrigue. I'm not particularly comfy when I hear of one partner cheating on another but am not one to judge either. To each her/her own.

But Mabel does have a point. Cheating during office hours is hard to arouse any suspicion.

Missus Singapore out!

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