DON'T STAY LATE IN THE OFFICE

Here is something I found quite amusing. It's from Maria from Croatia. She's also sent me a pdf file of 20 pages of jokes. How sweet is that? Thanks Maria.

The figures don't lie!

10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date.
20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place.
36% of the women favour nudity.
45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes.
46% of the women experienced anal sex.
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning.
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.
99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office.

Conclusion: Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.

Moral: Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!

Missus Singapore out!

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SEX DURING OFFICE HOURS

I met my girlfriend Sharon a few days back and she brought another school friend of hers. Mabel was her name and she works in a pharmaceutical company in Singapore.

Mabel is married with two tween children and holds an executive position. I liked her spontaneity and sense of morbid humour. Anyway, we got talking and clicked immediately.

Sharon and I were doing the usual gossipy catch up on a friend who was caught red-handed having an affair with a friend of her husband's. Mid-way through, Mabel commented how silly it was for her to do it in her own home, thinking that her husband would never return early from an overseas business trip.

Silly isn't it? It seems like that was expected to happen.

Mabel instead said that doing it in the office was the safest - especially during office hours! I've heard of doing it after office hours but during? I just had to hear more.

Apparently, she had this two month thingy with an intern - over 10 years her junior - who was posted to her company during his time in a local university.

Suddenly, I saw this woman in a new light. Of course we dug out more from her.

She said that it was usually a gesture that marked when they would head to the copier room, lock the door behind them and get it on and over with. She would prepare herself by going in panty-less. She used to wear slacks all the time but ever since their liaison began, she donned skirts. How considerate!

The intern has since left her company but now she cannot wait until the next unsuspecting intern shows up.

So it really has opened my eyes that what goes around in 'sterile' Singapore behind closed doors can really intrigue. I'm not particularly comfy when I hear of one partner cheating on another but am not one to judge either. To each her/her own.

But Mabel does have a point. Cheating during office hours is hard to arouse any suspicion.

Missus Singapore out!

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RUMOUR TUMOUR

The trouble with rumours - once their seeds are planted, true or not, they keep growing like a tumour - busting with suspicion. Hard as you like, you just can't seem to shake them off.

Marilyn, a long-time pubbing buddy of mine disclosed a fortnight ago that she was the subject of a rumour circulating around her office - colleagues seem to think that she has been sleeping around with the higher-ups to gain advancement in her career.

I know many women who do and an equal number who are dogged in a morally-correct push up the corporate echelons but I know her to be absolutely serious in her career. That said, I know that its really a challenge not to be embroiled in a rumour that can emerge from just about anywhere, especially when you are attractive woman or the sociable sort. Yes, women then to be more susceptible to them.

So the ultimate question - did she or didn't she.

She swears that she didn't, well at least not intentionally.

Apparently, her CEO's secretary had a personal tragedy to deal with and with Marilyn's boss in another department away in the US for training, she was seen as the perfect short-term solution to fill up for the CEO's secretary.

She is the personal secretary of a manager from another department and all she really had to do, was to take down the CEO's thoughts on paper, help compose some letters and bring coffee twice a day.

Because she was in another department, she would make her coffee from her pantry and bring it to the CEO's office - which meant walking all the way from her desk, along numerous cubicles and into the CEO's office.

Of course only the HR and a few other colleagues knew about this arrangement but otherwise, to all the rest, it appeared that she was somehow currying favour with the CEO by bringing him in coffee and spending some time chatting (but really she was there taking notes).

It started about two months ago and although I know her as one tough cookie, it was beginning to really dig into her.

I advised it was best to not consume herself in trying to find out where it originated from because it would start to add unnecessary friction with everyone at the office. What's worse than being a subject of a rumour is being suspicious of all your colleagues.

So how then do you deal with office rumours?

Honestly, there is no way to shake it off. This is really an entity that has to wear itself out and drop off after it loses its novelty. The best you can do is play with it. As long as you and the party know what you are doing is not out of order, go about it nonchalantly. For those giving you suspicious looks, give them a wink to add spice to it all.

You'll be surprised that by ignoring it and perhaps adding the occasional fodder to keep the rumour alive, it can provide the chemotherapy effect to such a rumour tumour.

People love to listen in on rumours but they are also quick to lose their interest in them once the subject seems unbothered by it all.

For the last week, Marilyn has been winking and throwing suggestive smiles after emerging from her CEO's office and believe or not, many of her colleagues are beginning to talk to her normally once again.

Coincidence or solution, she is happier and promises to treat me at my favourite whiskey bar next weekend.

Well, it really comes with the territory - rumours that is. If you are attractive and rise rather quickly up the career ladder, there are always people lurking in the wings waiting to search for justification - as if they have nothing better to do. And yes, chances are their lives are just about as exciting as a snail crossing a lawn.

Invariably, there are rumours that are true too, like the time many years ago when I was rumoured to be sleeping with a senior staff member. What else could I do? He was staying a block away from me and with the salary I was drawing them, saving on transport was helpful. Besides, I like to think of myself as a pioneer advocate of the green revolution. After all car-pooling makes more efficient use of gas, doesn't it?

Missus Singapore out!

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