PLAY IT SOFT

Perhaps the most conservative of swinging styles is soft-swinging where couples only have sex between themselves but in front of others who are doing the same. There is usually no contact between the couples although sometimes, there may be some caressing but only if it is discussed and agreed prior to proceedings.

It’s a great way to ease into swinging especially when it is just with another couple who are not pushy. Also, small groups tend to be less intimidating. One advantage of this is that you can get to explore both your exhibitionist and voyeuristic side. Nonetheless, there are many swingers who don’t really consider this as the real deal. But you have to begin somewhere don’t you?

Moreover, it gives you the opportunity to measure your tolerance levels and digest your thoughts of the experience before you decide if it is really something for you.

If I recall my first swinging experience with another couple, it was a soft-swing that turned ‘hard’.

The couple were a little younger than us, unmarried but about to tie the knot. So they came over, got through the formalities and we began messing about between ourselves. They were close by but midway through it, my significant other noticed that someone else was stroking his tool because he suddenly realised that I had both my hands in his view. We turned to see that this other girl, let’s call her Angie shall we, was obviously attracted to it.

When her fiancé – let’s call him Gerard – saw it, he was clearly not amused. It didn’t help matters when she got up and took my significant other into her mouth. That was it. He pulled her away and made up some stupid excuse that they had to leave. It was awkward but clearly a sign that they had not drawn up their boundaries before-hand.

So talk is the key, before and after each experience. Never let any emotions or thoughts brew silently without discussing them with your partner. In swinging, it is not just about you but your partner as well. No one should be forced into it, period.

Take heed that the more open you are with each other, they more you know where each other stands. Issues of jealousy and other natural emotions should not be ignored unless you want it to crop up later and destroy your relationship. It can and it will!

If a solid foundation to a swinging lifestyle, lined with mutual trust and respect is present, you will have a better chance of tapping on its benefits to your relationship.

So there you have it, a broad outline of the different styles of swinging, which allow for different levels of sexual exposure. Sometimes if you are lucky, as I have been, you will forge close friendships because you somehow find yourselves in the same-boat scenario. Without a doubt, you will probably also meet your fair share of weirdos but hey, we all have colleagues who are weirdos too right?

You start with soft-swinging and if you stick with a group, it can - with openness - develop further. From experience, the most fun groups tend to be the older ones, more experienced ones, not the overly enthusiastic young floozies or ego-riddled studs who think it is all about performance. It’s not.

Swinging is about fun, adventure and enjoying new experiences with your partner. But it can also be for some, a very powerful tool to bring couples’ closeness and intimacy to a higher level altogether. It has certainly done so for me and my significant other.

Missus Singapore out!

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KEYS TO SWINGING

There are various types of swinging and depending on where you are, there may a specific definition of it. When I was in Spain several years back, friends of ours brought us to a professional swingers club - professional because even when you are inside, you hardly have any clue that it is one.

I've been to dance clubs in Singapore where there was more flesh to see. But it was classy to say the least. The most notable distinction was that it only admitted couples. In fact there was one about 50km out of Madrid that only allowed married couples in. The first time you register, you actually have to show them your marriage certificate!

Everything was tastefully done - no nude bodies running about or moans synonymous with a late-Victorian whorehouse. Besides, everyone was well-behaved, unlike some of the Swingers' Clubs in the US, UK, Germany and the Czech Republic. But for discussion's sake, let's talk about couples and not single men or women (the swinging extras), shall we?

Wife-swapping, the origins from which the swinging culture had taken off from, is still around. In France and Spain (it was part of our European holiday then), they actually widely practice the 'car-keys in the bowl' method of pairing off individuals. But according to a French girlfriend who came to Singapore last year, it had toned down in Europe due to a series of assaults and murders that had been linked to some sickos hiring hookers as partners, and infiltrating the clubs to seek out their victims.The last I heard, two men and a woman accomplice were arrested in connection to that.

Well, that would scare me for sure. But seriously, there are risks. If it is a group that you know well, that's safer but when strangers are paired off, take heed. Fortunately, there is also the option to back out. But for me, the clubs that don't take paired couples out of the premises are my preference - meaning you just head off separately into rooms under the same roof.

My significant other was lucky enough to get the 'premio especial' deal where two women were paired off with one man. Likewise, the permutations allowed for two men to be paired with one lucky woman. Needless to say it was a Spanish vacation he still talks about fondly these days! I was not as lucky though. But the man I was with was a decent chap, pretty good-looking and quite a decent lay but greedy me, I wanted what dear old hubby was getting!

So there you have it, a very brief outline of one swinging style. Check out the other two in my next post.

Missus Singapore out!

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